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“A beautiful account of the journey of courage it takes to face the truth of one’s past.”—Bessel van der Kolk, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Body Keeps the Score
For decades, Amy ran. Through the dirt roads of Amarillo, Texas, where she grew up; to the campus of the University of Virginia, as a student athlete; on the streets of New York, where she built her adult life; through marriage, motherhood, and a thriving career. To outsiders, it all looked, in many ways, perfect. But Amy was running from something—a secret she was keeping not only from her family and friends, but unconsciously from herself. “You’re here, but you’re not here,” her daughter said to her one night. “Where are you, Mom?” So began Amy’s quest to solve a mystery trapped in the deep recesses of her own memory—a journey that would take her into the burgeoning field of psychedelic therapy, to the limits of the judicial system, and ultimately, home to the Texas panhandle, where her story began.
In her search for the truth, to understand and begin to recover from buried childhood trauma, Griffin interrogates the pursuit of perfectionism, control, and maintaining appearances that drives so many women, asking, when, in our path from girlhood to womanhood, did we learn to look outside ourselves for validation? What kind of freedom is possible if we accept the whole story and embrace who we really are? With hope, heart, and relentless honesty, she points a way forward for all of us, revealing the power of radical truth-telling to deepen our connections—with others and ourselves.
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Creators
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Publisher
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Release date
March 11, 2025 -
Formats
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Kindle Book
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OverDrive Read
- ISBN: 9780593731215
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EPUB ebook
- ISBN: 9780593731215
- File size: 2454 KB
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Languages
- English
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Reviews
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January 1, 2025
Recovered memories of childhood abuse tear through the fabric of a "perfect" life. Griffin's debut memoir begins with a lyrical account of an idyllic childhood in Amarillo, Texas. Her family owned a chain of convenience stores called Toot'n Totum, whose sparkling aisles of colorful products seemed to the young Amy a kind of paradise. "The best things in life weren't free. They were shrink-wrapped." From an early age, she loved running, but also felt she couldn'tstop running--as she grew up, she felt both an intense pressure to be perfect and a disturbing sense of disassociation from her own accomplishments. "From the outside, at least, after I married John and we began building our life together, things did seem 'perfect.' I was athletic, tall, and blond. John was successful and respected in his ca-reer. I got pregnant easily and gave birth to a healthy baby boy, my son Jack." Three more children followed. She traces the beginning of her understanding that something was wrong to the day her 10-year-old daughter complained that she felt disconnected from her: "You're here, but you're not here." After her husband had a great experience with a mental health practitioner who worked with MDMA, she decided to try it. Very quickly, the walls came tumbling down. Terrible experiences she had in middle school began to play in her head "like I was the only person in a theater, watching a movie projected up onto the screen from the front row." The remainder of the book describes her attempts to get some kind of closure, but it turns out that the Texas statute of limitations has expired and people she hopes will be able to confirm some part of her story aren't able to help. In the end, the only relief she can get is from writing it all down--first in detailed journals she kept at the time and now in this book. And though it would sound strange to describe the account of something this dark as "good," Griffin has indeed validated her experience with a well-written and moving book. An important, wholly believable account of how long-buried but profoundly formative experiences finally emerge.COPYRIGHT(2025) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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