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How I Lost You

A Novel

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available
"An addictive read; a strong recommendation for those who like suspense tinged with a little romance."—Booklist

A woman without a memory struggles to discover the truth about her past and her identity in this cerebral and dark thriller reminiscent of works by bestselling authors S.J. Watson and Ruth Ware.
I have no memory of what happened but I was told I killed my son. And you believe what your loved ones, your doctor and the police tell you, don't you? My name is Emma Cartwright. Three years ago I was Susan Webster, and I murdered my twelve-week-old son Dylan. I was sent to Oakdale Psychiatric Institute for my crime, and four weeks ago I was released early on parole with a new identity, address, and a chance to rebuild my tattered life. This morning, I received an envelope addressed to Susan Webster. Inside it was a photograph of a toddler called Dylan. Now I am questioning everything I believe because if I have no memory of the event, how can I truly believe he's dead? If there was the smallest chance your son was alive, what would you do to get him back?
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    • Publisher's Weekly

      August 21, 2017
      Susan Webster, the narrator of British author Blackhurst’s captivating if flawed first novel, believes that she’s guilty of smothering her three-month-old son, Dylan, to death in a fit of postpartum depression, even though she has no memory of doing so. After spending nearly three years at the Oakdale Psychiatric Facility, she’s paroled and given a new name. Shortly after she settles in Ludlow, Shropshire, someone mails her a photo of a smiling young boy with the name Dylan written on the back. Scared and confused, Susan enlists the aid of Cassie Reynolds, her best friend from Oakdale, and reporter Nick Whitely to reexamine the crime. As Susan looks into her past, she realizes how little she knew about Mark, her ex-husband and the child’s father. The danger to Susan escalates as the truth slowly reveals itself, but the plot goes off the rails under the weight of the implausible actions of several key characters, some of whom aren’t who they seem to be. Agent: Laetitia Rutherford, Watson, Little (U.K.).

    • Kirkus

      August 1, 2017
      A woman convicted of killing her baby comes to believe he's still alive and finds herself at the center of a vast revenge plot that nearly ruins her life in this debut novel.Susan Webster has spent four years in a psychiatric facility after being found guilty of killing her 3-month-old son, Dylan. But Susan, who has legally changed her name and moved to a remote village, has no memory of the murder. So when a photo showing a 4-year-old boy with the name "Dylan" on the back shows up at her door, she's unsure if it's someone sending her a message about the real fate of her son or a vigilante out to punish her further. As she's targeted by more and more inexplicable vandalism and messages, she and two friends set out to find the truth. The novel deals with multiple weighty themes--postpartum depression, the privileges of the wealthy, violence against women--but none are explored to their full potential. The book is packed with multiple threads and many characters, hopping back and forth in time until all the pieces come together. Although the mystery is engaging, the characters are largely one-dimensional; Susan is gratingly vain and quick to judge other women on sight, but this pronounced trait doesn't build to anything or contribute to her story. The narrative is uneven and could have benefited from a tighter, more controlled focus on one or two of the many intersecting motivations that bring the story to a close. Less thriller than soap opera.

      COPYRIGHT(2017) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

    • Booklist

      September 1, 2017
      Four years ago, Susan Webster was convicted of smothering her baby, Dylan, in a fog of postpartum psychosis. Now paroled from Oakdale Psychiatric Facility, she's changed her name and moved to a Shropshire village to rebuild her life. But her comforting anonymity is shattered when she receives a picture of a four-year-old boy in the mail with a message that Dylan is still alive. Then Nick Whitely, a reporter investigating the disappearance of the medical examiner whose testimony helped convict Susan, appears at her door. Desperate to grasp any hope that she hasn't killed her son, Susan persuades Nick to help her investigate the possibility that Dylan is alive. As they peel back the layers of the medical examiner's disappearance and the questionable defense presented by Susan's attorney, they find startling connections to her ex-husband's past. Susan's engaging character and the story's well-crafted twists make this an addictive read; a strong recommendation for those who like suspense tinged with a little romance.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2017, American Library Association.)

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