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We Need to Hang Out

A Memoir of Making Friends

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available
In this "entertaining mix of social science, memoir, and humor, as if a Daniel Goleman book were filtered through the lens of Will Ferrell" (The New York Times Book Review) a middle-aged man embarks on an entertaining and relatable quest to reprioritize his ties with his buddies and forge new friendships, all while balancing work, marriage, and kids.
At the age of forty, having settled into his busy career and active family life, Billy Baker discovers that he's lost something crucial along the way: his friends. Other priorities always seemed to come first, until all his close friendships became distant memories. When he takes an assignment to write an article about the modern loneliness epidemic, he realizes just how common it is to be a middle-aged loner: almost fifty million Americans over the age of forty-five, especially men, suffer from chronic loneliness, which the surgeon general has declared one of the nation's "greatest pathologies," worse than smoking, obesity, or heart disease in increasing a person's risk for premature death. Determined to defy these odds, Baker vows to salvage his lost friendships and blaze a path for men (and women) everywhere to improve their relationships old and new.

From leading a buried treasure hunt with his old college crew to organizing an impromptu "ditch day" for dozens of his former high school classmates to essentially starting a frat house for middle-aged guys in his neighborhood, Baker experiments with ways to keep in touch with his friends no matter how hectic their lives are—with surprising and deeply satisfying results.

Along the way, he talks to experts in sociology and psychology to investigate how such naturally social creatures as humans could become so profoundly isolated today. And he turns to real-life experts in lasting friendship, bravely joining a cruise packed entirely with crowds of female BFFs and learning the secrets of male bonding from a group of older dudes who faithfully meet up on the same night every week. "A refreshing and entertaining personal perspective on why men need male friends" (Kirkus Reviews, starred review), We Need to Hang Out is a celebration of companionship that is bursting with humor, candor, and charm.
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    • Kirkus

      Starred review from December 1, 2020
      A memoir that doubles as an exploration of the importance of friendships between men. When Boston Globe staff writer Baker received an assignment to write about why middle-aged men often have few close friends, his first reaction was to balk at the idea. After all, he had friends and didn't suffer from loneliness, an affliction that has reached "epidemic" status. However, after further consideration, he realized that his busy family and work life meant that "there was no real 'friend time' left." So began the author's long research project. He reached out to friends from various stages of his life, including high school and college, seeking to figure out why "when people become over-scheduled...they shortchange their friendships." Well-researched and insightful about our human need to interact, the narrative is also smooth and conversational. Readers may cringe at his attempts to bring together school buddies via mass email invitations, and most will laugh out loud at his story about his participation in a New Kids on the Block cruise: "Why was I there? The shortest answer is that I wanted to experience a Girls Trip, which is perhaps the most celebrated act in modern American friendship." Throughout, the author makes clear his desire to forge meaningful platonic connections with other men, and he is candid about the difficulties that many men face when acknowledging that they need one another. "The reality is that there are no successful loners in the history of social evolution," he writes. "Being a solo survivalist is arduous and inefficient. Survival has only been accomplished in groups." Baker's evolution from the start of his project to the end of the book is gratifying, and he also discusses the effects of the pandemic on his experiences, providing readers with an up-to-date viewpoint on the necessity of strong male friendships, especially during times of crisis. A refreshing and entertaining personal perspective on why men need male friends.

      COPYRIGHT(2020) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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